March 14, 2010
Tel Aviv, Israel — This bicycle is a constant fixture on the corner of Bograshov Street at the corner of Chovevei Tsiyon, a corner I pass every day, several times a day to and from everywhere that I go to make my merry mischief. To my knowledge, ever since I have lived in this area for the past month or so, this bike has not moved one inch, neither by springing to life on its own, nor by more conventional human intervention. Erego, if my deductive reasoning serves me right, the delivery capabilities of the “fun sex store”, my local mom-and-pop erotic outlet, are not being taken advantage of. Call me old-fashioned, but I think people who want to purchase sex toys for delivery should do so via the internet. People who want their fluffy handcuffs locally sourced should let their couch breathe for a while and visit the “fun sex store” in person. And, apparently, they do pick either of these other options besides bicycle-messengering their whips to their door. It was a noble idea by someone hero out there in Tel Aviv who’s watched a lot of porn in his life, thinking he’d do a saintly service to all those lazy yet lustful people out there with the desire for a sex toy rightatthisverymoment, those who care about their carbon footprint while not caring to make some actual footprints to the store. Alas, it was a dream deferred. That kind of environmentally-conscious erotic altruism just doesn’t have any place in the Tel Aviv sex toy industry, and likely not anywhere else either. The bottom line is really this: sex toy delivery personnel are just not as romantic a concept as the pizza boy and despite how hard they’ve worked to change our minds, they sadly never will be.

Tel Aviv, Israel — This bicycle is a constant fixture on the corner of Bograshov Street at the corner of Chovevei Tsiyon, a corner I pass every day, several times a day to and from everywhere that I go to make my merry mischief. To my knowledge, ever since I have lived in this area for the past month or so, this bike has not moved one inch, neither by springing to life on its own, nor by more conventional human intervention. Erego, if my deductive reasoning serves me right, the delivery capabilities of the “fun sex store”, my local mom-and-pop erotic outlet, are not being taken advantage of.

Call me old-fashioned, but I think people who want to purchase sex toys for delivery should do so via the internet. People who want their fluffy handcuffs locally sourced should let their couch breathe for a while and visit the “fun sex store” in person. And, apparently, they do pick either of these other options besides bicycle-messengering their whips to their door.

It was a noble idea by someone hero out there in Tel Aviv who’s watched a lot of porn in his life, thinking he’d do a saintly service to all those lazy yet lustful people out there with the desire for a sex toy rightatthisverymoment, those who care about their carbon footprint while not caring to make some actual footprints to the store. Alas, it was a dream deferred. That kind of environmentally-conscious erotic altruism just doesn’t have any place in the Tel Aviv sex toy industry, and likely not anywhere else either. The bottom line is really this: sex toy delivery personnel are just not as romantic a concept as the pizza boy and despite how hard they’ve worked to change our minds, they sadly never will be.

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