Tel Aviv, Israel — The fundamental glue that keeps this society together is hummus. I cannot stress enough the importance of this chickpea gloop. And as such, we need to get a few things straight:
#1 Hummus, as it is spelled in English, is not pronounced “hum miss”. You are not in the Sound of Music, wearing a bonnet and bloomers, teaching Gretel that me is a name you call yourself. It’s Who Moose. Like an Abbott and Costello play in the wilderness where you’re constantly clearing your throat of phlegm. Unless you refer to it as Who Moose in Israel, you will receive blank stares and maybe even one or two kicks to the groin.
#2 Wiping: Like your mom always told you, you’re not doing it enough. However, wiping is not just for toilet paper. Hummus here is an endeavor with absolutely no forks allowed — do you want them to think you were born in a barn? We’re in Asia after all! But instead of chopsticks, which I’ve found can be just as dangerous as Western eating mechanisms (dangers like splinters or getting the chops stuck in facial orifices, etc.), your only self-respecting utensil is a thick round slab o’ pita.
#3 The Main Event: Appetizers are for sissy boys and girls who can’t handle the goods from the start. Who Moose is NOT an appetizer. It is a meal, and you WILL be satisfied. You WILL receive Who Moose and you WILL receive pita. And you know what? You WILL NOT complain. (Maybe, maybe if you’ve won the lottery, you’ll also get some pickled cabbage or a gherkin.)
#4 You So Foolish: The most common toppings on a hummus menu are fool, which is made out of fava beans and gives the pictured hummus its bichromatic appearance, hard boiled egg, possibly some shrooms if that’s your style, and techina (you may know it as tehini. To be taken seriously in a hummus place, refer to it as techina.) Occasionally you may find other topping options such as ground lamb, but many places, like Hummus Ashkara (pictured) stick to the basics.
Who Moose is one of the cheapest, most satisfying, and most delicious meals in a town where you will hemorrhage shekels on everything else. A bowl o’ ‘moose will set you back around 20 shekels (around $5) most places, and can probably be split between two mid-size human beings. Hummus Ashkara in the Old North of Tel Aviv is a solid destination hummus joint. But do not tell them I sent you unless you abide the rules. I have a reputation to maintain.
1 year ago • Notes