Tel Aviv, Israel — The vast majority of streets in the city of Tel Aviv are named after historically significant persons to the city, the state of Israel, and the Jewish people. Most of the people falling in any of these categories are indeed honored with streets named after them, but there is one blatant omission in the coverage of these heroes and noteworthy figures. I cannot stand for this injustice and I’ve made persistent protests to this city, but no one has heeded my call. Not a single soul. And thus, Tel Aviv still has yet to name a street after Michael Jackson. How ungrateful. He taught the Jewish people how to moonwalk.
Finally after months of personal anguish eating away at me because of this outrage against dear Michael, I have found some like-minded folk who have dedicated their lives also to naming something significant after HaMelekh (the king) Jackson in the White City (white like Michael’s glove). It’s actually a bar and not a street, but you can drink in a bar so that’s an advantage. Knowing Israeli automotive etiquette, you can probably drive in a bar too, though I haven’t seen it happen yet.
So you can pay your respects to Michael Jackson at Jackson bar on Vital Street, the highly bar-concentrated couple of blocks in the so-run-down-its-like-totally-hip neighborhood of Florentin in South Tel Aviv. Beyond just Michael Jackson, they play actual, current, hipster music here. They could just play Michael every night and I’d be totally fine with that, but I’m also pleased at having heard Calvin Harris’s new album here in its entire length. It’s incredibly remarkable to hear something that’s actually relatively current and somewhat obscure in Tel Aviv, because usually bars either play Rock Mizrachi or some sort of mix of Dire Straits, Lenny Kravitz, and “Mm Mm Mm Mm” by the Crash Test Dummies (wish I were kidding.) But don’t count on the Israelis you meet to have any idea that the music they’re listening to is good. They’re just here on their way from Mezcal on their way to Perla, paying their respects to Michael by taking down their shots (chasers in the Israeli vernacular) in the bar with his name. May he rest in peace.
1 year ago • Notes